Decamot inspire by the following items: white elephant; helicopter; iPod; pencil; Dolly; vineyard; crane; medic; Lake Erie; donkey jacket
Colin’s father had designed the very first donkey jacket but his grandfather, a medic like his own father before him, rather disapproved of the family abandoning the medical profession in favour of “trade” as he was wont to call it.
Colin’s older brother went on to purchase his own vineyard in the South of France on the proceeds of his family’s inheritance; thus proving that one man’s white elephant is another man’s Golden Goose providing mixing metaphors is de rigueur. If not, then lets accept he played the hand life dealt him with considerable aplomb.
Like his brother, Colin also inherited an entrepreneurial gene. As a teenager, he was used to chasing “dolly” birds, but later contemporaries called them crumpet; all very politically incorrect even in those days but proof positive that different eras throw up different expressions without actually changing human nature.
He remembers being told by his embarrassed mother that he had been delivered by a crane gliding across a moonlit sky; gift wrapped by an early version of Amazon Prime. It had been a mistake.
He now earned his living in Buffalo New York state flying woke tourists along the length of the Erie canal with expert commentary to satisfy their hunger for historical context.
Colin steered his AS 350 helicopter over Lake Erie and suggested his six guests to look down at the section of the canal which effectively bridges the gap between Canada and the USA. Through his intercom he continued his commentary.
“In the 1860’s many slaves were brought covertly to this point by pro abolitionist captains of cargo ships who encouraged them to abandon ship by jumping off on the Canadian side whilst they were waiting for the ship to rise or fall in the dock. Many had already survived tortuous journeys from Alabama. They had yet more hardships to endure in Canada; but the very real chance of freedom in the British Crown Colony was an overwhelming motivation”
The half dozen Harvard educated African American tourists broke into spontaneous applause.
Colin steered his AS 350 helicopter over Lake Erie and asked his six paying guests to look down at the section of the canal which effectively bridges the gap between Canada and the USA. Through his intercom he continued his commentary. “Believe it or not many French immigrants who were being persecuted in Canada bought passages on cargo ships with the specific purpose of jumping off at this point to gain freedom of expression in the USA. The chance of escaping the stultifying culture of the British Crown Colony was a powerful motivator.
The half dozen Sorbonne educated Quebec Separatists broke into a spontaneous rendering of La Marseillaise
A black and white minstrel special dedicated to Al Jolson found Colin and his six Lithuanian tourists in fine voice singing Mammy! at the end of his commentary explaining how pretending to be black helped Jewish immigrants entertain their fellow Americans, including those of Afro Caribbean heritage.
Colin adjusted the ribbon in his hair and applied a generous layer of black eye liner with a pencil before checking that his passengers from the Buffalo branch of “Transvestites Are Us” were comfortable. Some could not quite understand the significance of Colin’s explanation of how male immigrants dressed as women to confuse the authorities on both sides of the border, but they sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with suitable gusto at the end.
An animal rights special ended with Colin explaining how his forebears had made their fortune by inventing the donkey jacket but that no donkey had suffered as a result of the process. Much nervous laughter followed until Colin intimated that he was only joking by which time one of their number turned up the volume on his iPod and they all joined in with Elvis Presley’s rendition of Hound Dog.
Colin did his best to cater for all kinds. He prided himself on the diverse nature of his customers but even he was surprised when he had only two booked passengers for his woke Saturday special which he had advertised as being for “anybody who nobody thinks normal”
He could not find a single thing to say to them as they sat there ignoring each other. It was definitely a first for Colin Dexter and his two paying customers, Donald Trump and Joe Biden who weren’t even missed when they fell out of the Helicopter over Niagara Falls during a particularly steep maneuver.
Both had refused safety belts, insisting that it was their inalienable right under the US constitution to take their own decisions thank you very much!
Colin enjoyed his weekly day of rest